an image diary

"And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you'd be? ... You'd be nowhere. Why, you're only a sort of thing in his dream! If that there King was to wake you'd go out -- bang! -- just like a candle!"

"Hush! You'll be waking him, I'm afraid, if you make so much noise."

"Well it's no use your talking about waking him when you're only one of the things in his dream. You know very well you're not real."

Wednesday, April 6, 2005

Where did I go?

The last few weeks have been hard, incredibly hard. I used to say that for those of us who write slowly and who are slow to articulate, the world is just as available and just as competitive. But it's not true. I'm a slow thinker and slow reader and writer. I'm not efficient. I'm slow to organize, and though my tidiness is everywhere evident, I'm also the first to admit that when I look at my schedule, my time, metered out in thoughtful blocks, flies.

I'm having a great time teaching. A survey in English literature, 1790 something to present, and the poetry and suffering/modern and contemporary poets course I've been writing about. The students are wonderful and the courses are stimulating. But I've also been arriving at the office every day for the last few weeks before 6:30 in the morning and leaving after 5, 6, 7 pm most days. And I'm coming home to grading. I've been buried under letters of recommendation and proposals to the college and my department, student reading introductions, conferences, course prep, and fucking fucking email. Not to mention the things I can't get done. Like writing.

How much email do you get? I've managed to pare down to about 70 messages in my inbox that need answering. That's the usual. I know I'm whining here, but what I've always wanted is to be able to teach well and write well. I believe my teaching feeds my writing. And it does. But Christ, how is it that the me who used to write on the sly is now doing everything she can just to keep up with the demands of her academic life? I don't have time to eat, exercise, sleep, write, or pee.

Whatever you know is welcome here. I need help.

How to cut back?

"and what is the use of a book...without pictures or conversations?"

[contact me:]

what o'clock it is


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