Things have worsened for her suddenly--Friday she took Trystan and Sage to a carnival, Saturday we talked and she was no worse, but by Saturday evening she'd called her doctor--so they've moved her surgery to Thursday morning. I don't know that means, exactly, but I think it means I can be grateful to her doctor for making it happen as soon as humanly possible. She is cheerful on the phone. Sage has given her her head cold, so she is feeling worn down, more than just anemic, which is somehow a real reason to rest, to sleep in and miss work. She sounds stuffy on the line, but she isn't in pain, no migraine today. She is calm, so I try to be calm. I took myself to see The Exorcism of Emily Rose tonight and watched the priest's lawyer drink quite a few martinis even after someone testified on the stand that intoxication invites your demons to stick around. I pulled up to a convenience store on the way home and thought about buying something hard and alcoholic and didn't feel better thinking it, so came home and lit more candles. I feel better now, am watching the flames in the dark while I tap something into this page. The woman who helps me clean this place every few weeks is going to freak out tomorrow when she sees all the candles and photographs on the shrine which she eyes with suspicion and avoids in general anyway, but whatever. I'm not cleaning up my vigil so that she can feel safe. We are not safe.
Where will I be at noon on Thursday? Having lunch with the dean. Probably should change that.
Blessings on all of you.
